A 'Homeless debate' on social media - US or THEM - which am I?

A video was shared recently on a social media group. The video shows homeless people making homes adjacent to the Castle of Good Hope in Cape Town. The video was accompanied by this comment:

Gra: This was posted on another group. People ask if we can honestly call this one of the world's best tourist destinations. A group of Israelis I was touring with today asked me what is being done to house the homeless and how can the city allow this to happen. This is not the only place this is occurring. 

Derek: Tnx Gra. We need to embrace what is real. The homeless do not have a place to go to. 

 To which I made a comment:

Me: I have very mixed feelings on this subject. I have dealt with many homeless people. I contribute to many homeless shelters. I believe that some of the people who go to homeless shelters go there hoping that they can improve their lives so that they can become the opposite of being homeless and provide for others. 

     My grave concern is for many that appear to me to choose to remain homeless, receiving, but with no real determination to be contributors. I worry that I may, at times, have added to the problem by giving to some beggars who are still just beggars years later, begging at an intersection where others are trying to sell stuff in order to earn a living. Begging in places where there is a lot of litter and they don't care enough to clean up what they appear to choose as their home. 

     I am glad that we're told to not judge, but to leave judging to Him who knows the heart. I happily lay the burden of judging at His feet and just try to give responsibly in the hope that I will be judged fairly.

Some chatting about the plight of homeless people, followed be:

Derek: Which ever way we look at it. The homeless population (for whatever reason) is growing exponentially, and are being more restricted for places to go to.
My response: I've often looked at them and wondered why most of them are not at their fatherland farming and providing food and employment for people rather than hoping that someone will provide for them. 
     I've looked at pictures of starving people in various countries and they are surrounded by open land with no crops growing. 
     I've spoken to someone who abandoned his farm because the irrigation does not work. When I asked him why he didn't fix it he replied that the white man does that. 
     Each person needs to find solutions rather than being stymied by problems and always expecting someone to provide for them. We changed our babies' nappies, fed them and clothed them. But we expected them to grow up and become self-reliant. 
     Our constitution states that every citizen has equal rights and spells out those rights. Then it says that every citizen has equal responsibility. I have yet to hear any politician tell the citizens of South Africa to not expect the government to be responsible for each person's rights but that each citizen has the responsibility to ensure the rights of every other citizen. That is what democracy is...

Further discussion over a few days, and then a response to my previous comment:

Unknown responder: You’re making an assumption that these people are all black when in fact there are increasing numbers of white ex-middle class people amongst these homeless. This US and THEM talk is very counterproductive and creates more problems than it solves.

So, I wonder if the US or THEM refers to homeless vs homed, black vs white. US and THEM also often refers to privileged vs underprivileged, advantaged vs disadvantaged, straight vs gay, or any other 'opposite' groups, but in either sense, I believe that I can affiliate to some degree with each of these groups. 

I grew up in a family with a reasonable home, but we had a simple old car, and generally simple things. I remember feeling really privileged when my father bought a slide projector. This was the 'entry level projector' that was fully manual. I later noticed many of my acquaintances who had fancy carousel or automated slide projectors. I realised early in life that my parents invested in educating their children rather than in fancy clothes.  That broadened my viewpoint.

I remember a friend asking if he could buy a really old pair of jeans that I had worn to the point of it falling apart because the fashion was to wear what looked like worn-out jeans. I always bought the cheapest jeans and wore them as long as I could and he was offering me more than I had paid for them. I still cannot understand why someone pays for something that looks like it would not pass a Quality Control test because it has holes in it... That broadened my viewpoint.

In 1973 I spent a night in prison in Empangeni. My three companions and I were not guilty of any crime, but we were locked up in prison because we had no other place to stay for the night. Each of us was given a blanket similar to the one that I had had in the army the previous year, but the mattress was simply a thick layer of felt. That broadened my viewpoint.

I have often slept under the stars in various parts of the county, including one night that I was entirely on my own in the Namib dunes close to a dry river bed, and all that I could hear that night was the barking sound of some hyena and the singing in my ears. That broadened my viewpoint.

I have spent hours on Sundays or days off wandering on my own in the Namib Desert, savanna, Kalahari, Namaqualand, Succulent Karoo, Nama-Karoo, Fynbos, spekboomveld, grasslands, on beaches, and other open spaces all around our delightful South Africa, South West Africa/Namibia, Lesotho and Swaziland/Eswatini. I walked many kilometres on each of those days. All that I saw besides the wonderful vegetation, landscape, sky and the environment, were buck, ostrich, beetles, lizards, snakes, birds, of many species and animal life forms, and on rare occasions another human being. That broadened my viewpoint.

I slept on my own, on the ground, in a tent in Sperrgebiet. That broadened my viewpoint.

I have spent time alone with people of many race groups and nationalities, with just two of us, or groups of varying sizes, discussing life, eating, socialising, working, sleeping in the same room, bungalow, or tent.  That broadened my viewpoint.

My already sympathetic feeling of respect and honour towards the LGBTQ community was enhanced when a gay colleague said, when accommodation was limited for a meeting, that he would not share a room with any other man because it would make him feel unfaithful to his partner. That broadened my viewpoint.

I remember in about 1983 when I was teaching at a Jewish school, and a Jewish colleague turned to me while a young male scholar was talking disparagingly about the informal settlements near the Cape Town airport, 'I wonder if he has been to Tel Aviv and seen the informal settlements there?' That broadened my viewpoint.

I have a child married 'across the colour bar' and I have a grandchild of 'mixed race'. That broadened my viewpoint.

I have been unemployed on at least four occasions. I had to hire myself out doing odd jobs and repairs. That broadened my viewpoint.

My wife has been permanently incapacitated and unable to work in her profession for nearly 20 years. That continues to broaden my viewpoint.

My wife and I were astonished to hear on the news that the aircraft Helderberg, a Boeing 747-200 Combi, 'experienced a catastrophic in-flight fire in the cargo area, broke up in mid-air, and crashed into the Indian Ocean east of Mauritius, killing all 159 people on board.' We had flown on that same aircraft in July 1981, about 7 months after its maiden flight, and while flying over the Atlantic Ocean at about 11pm I was aroused from my sleep by a strange noise. Looking out of the window I saw lights flashing past us and asked Sally if we had landed - to which she said that we had not. Damage had occurred in one engine and after landing we discovered that debris from that engine had been thrown into the neighbouring engine such that we flew for several hours and landed on Ilha Do Sal (Sal, Cape Verde) where we waited 24 hours for a replacement aircraft to take us on to New York. That broadened my viewpoint. And yet, I still fly on aircraft, old or new...

 

Our flight on the Helderberg in July 1981

One of the passengers pointing at the point of the explosion.

I am far from perfect - I acknowledge that. But I hope that I am becoming less and less prejudiced, and certainly not discriminatory, as my viewpoint becomes increasingly broadened and inclusive. I love our national mottos. When I was young we often quoted Ex Unitate Vires (transl. "from unity, strength", Eendracht maakt macht, or Unity is Strength), and in our present era, ! ke e: /xarra //ke, written in the Khoisan language of the /Xam people, literally meaning Diverse People Unite.

I feel it appropriate to share something that I shared in response to a video blaming all whites for causing all of the corruption in the ANC government or the EFF party: I am a cheeky ou, Colin. I ask myself - if Sterkfontein, Mapungubwe, Agulhas plain, and other notable sites in South Africa are sites of the cradle of humankind, and if I am descended from the first humankind, am I any less at home in the Fairest Cape than is someone with a darker skin and darker eyes? I reckon that I have just returned to my fatherland. If that is the case and I am as at home as anyone whose ancestors wandered away and then returned, then our skin colour is simply a sign of genetic variability and we are as equal as anyone can ever be. What is the problem of someone who blames 'whites' for anything that he does not want to accept as being his own fault? Somehow that sounds a bit like 'hate speech', prejudice, narrow-mindedness, or something like that, and more a part of the problem that part of the solution 🤔 But then, what do I know? 😉

I hope that anyone reading this will have his or her viewpoint broadened and seek to be inclusive and not exclusive, united and not divided, a builder and not a wrecker, part of the solution and not part of the problem. As imperfect as my efforts are in this regard, I continue to try. I hope that my mind, mental and emotional capability, and my brain and body, will enable me to always continue to try to be intentionally open-minded and inclusive as I advance in years.

I felt impressed add more thoughts that you might be interested in reading. See 

'A promise of an eternal marriage for LGBTQ+ individuals - well, for anyone'.

Some thoughts regarding love and same gender attraction

A promise of an eternal marriage for LGBTQ+ individuals - well, for anyone

I was thinking as I prayed this morning about what I wrote to someone who had shared his concerns about eternal marriage since he feels attraction for men rather than for any girl that he has dated with a real desire to marry according to God's plan. He desired to marry as God expected him to do, but his dates simply did not fill him with the joy that he was hoping to receive. I referred him to my blog post written some 8 years ago in 2014! But this morning I felt as I prayed that I should add some more thoughts.

The newlyweds on the steps of the Salt Lake Temple in 1981

I love the journey of discovery depicted in Fiddler on the Roof when Tevye and Golda discover that they love each other after years of being in an arranged marriage. I think that there is a really important lesson in this. It suggests to my mind that attraction is not as important in marriage as is commitment, friendship, companionship, love.

I love my neighbour as myself - male and female. What I do know is that I am devoted to my wife of more than 40 years. I chose her after dating many young ladies, without being very affectionate with any one of them, not holding hands, kissing or embracing, but developing and feeling friendship. After many dates I identified some characteristics that appealed to me and some that I rather hoped that my wife would not have! 

I slowly came to the realisation that one friend had many characteristics that made me feel really comfortable when I was with her, and that I desired to be in her company whenever she came from medical school in Cape Town where her father lived to visit her mother who lived close to Johannesburg. I lived near Johannesburg and had met her there before she went to study nearly 1500 km (about 900 miles) away. It took me about 5 years, and a cancelled engagement before I realised that my friendship with her was actually something that I would describe as love and that I would really like to have her by my side for eternity. 

Whenever I could, I would spend time with Sally. I recall walking in the hills near her home in Krugersdorp and telling her about the cabbage tree Cussonia panniculata, and her thinking there were painted rocks, but that it was actually lichen on the rocks. She went with me on the back of my scooter to play badminton with me, and I remember her holding on to me as we went around corners - I enjoyed that 😉. She went with me to have a fondue dinner with friends before we went to participate in a Spring Sing or something in a ward activity. I drove her to her home before she left to return to Cape Town and I would give her a priesthood blessing for the start of a new academic year. We went ice skating - and we held hands on the ice because neither of us is particularly stable on the ice 😉. During one drive to take her home my old car's radiator hose burst and I had to tape it up, then drive with lots of spray on the windscreen and very frequent stops to refill the radiator. I was once delighted to have her approach me during the interval of a dramatic presentation, I think it was Saturday's Warrior, and it was unexpected and such a joy to see her there.

I would write to Sally twice in the first year and that increased to several times each year and she would write back immediately and make sure that it got in the mail the next morning. She would eagerly look in the mailbox every day hoping for a letter from me. Some of my letters were saddening to her as I talked of going out with other girls, and one particularly hurtful when I became engaged to someone else, the only one to which she did not reply immediately. She so wished for very regular letters that would delight her, but I did not write as often as she hoped and not always as delightful a message as she hoped.

I once asked Sally if she could spare time at the weekend to take a friend around the Cape and when she said that she could, that was put in place. She recalls wondering - very hopefully - when my brother fetched her, if that friend might just be me - and it was 😉. We sat in her old Morris 1100 on Tafelberg Road, looking out over Cape Town in the evening, and the wind whipped the wiper blade off the windscreen and disturbed our special time enjoying each other's company. We dozed off on the rocks of Noordhoek beach and got a bit more sun that we might have intended. I stayed at her home one of the nights and got to meet her father. We had a very brief embrace at the airport before I left to return home and just a few weeks later I asked her father if I could marry her and it was good that I was not a total stranger to him! And so, we prepared so very slowly for the wonderful 40 years that we have been married and eternity that we look ahead to devoted to each other. Our marriage was based more on friendship than on courtship, and I highly recommend that to others. but Sally wishes that there had been a little more affection during our long courtship... 

So, I left Johannesburg and moved to the Fairest Cape to marry my Fairest Bride in 1981.

I eventually developed the courage and determination to ask her to go with me to the Temple in Salt Lake City. She reckons that I did not propose to her, or ask her to marry me, but that I simply asked her to go travelling to the Temple with me! I guess I blew it, but she was gracious enough to agree to go with me once I assured her that I wanted her to marry me. She is my best friend, my precious eternal pal and partner. 

Heavenly Father has helped Sally and me to have a wonderful marriage despite the abundant challenges of mortality. I know that He will help each and any one of you to have a wonderful marriage according to His plans for you. All we need is a broken heart and a contrite spirit to accept His will for us.

This past week we have read in Come, Follow Me about Abraham and Sarah who were married for decades and desired children, but none came. Then in their nineties they were promised a son with posterity as numerous as the stars in the sky or the sands on the seashore - in other words, one ought not consider trying to number them! Then, in a devastating interview, God challenged Abraham to offer Isaac as a sacrifice in a burnt offering - and possibly Sarah was also involved - and Abraham evidently did not question, argue, debate, or search for reasons to not do such a difficult thing despite the logic that would scream to not do it! This week we are pondering how Abraham arranged a marriage for his son Isaac, so it would not surprise me if Abraham's marriage to Sarai had been an arranged marriage. I was impressed this morning by the talk referenced in Come, Follow Me, given in 2015 by Elder Christofferson. What struck me the most is how the thoughts that I share in this blog are in harmony with what he taught. For example, he quotes “Marriage is more than your love for each other."

To anyone reading these thoughts of mine, whether in a loving and happy marriage, feeling same gender attraction, feeling confused about marriage, being wary of marriage, or whatever, I unreservedly offer a promise of a wonderful heavenly marriage if one looks beyond attraction and tries to keep an eternal perspective on marriage as being more than just a temporal union of two people who love each other, as lovely as that is in and of itself. The Saviour pleaded in John 17 for us to be one, and I suggest that maybe sometimes that includes being one flesh, but always means seeking to have a Zion spirit in our homes. Rather than simply thinking of being attracted to one another, we can focus on home being a bit of heaven on Earth, Zion-like, despite the shortcomings, weaknesses and failings of self and partner.

I am still far from competent in this regard, but I propose that it is important to never let any attraction - to man or woman, sport, politics, entertainment, work, or anything - undermine that focus on home being a bit of heaven on earth. Strive for celestial marriage rather than simply marriage. As you do this, you will find that the most delightful thing that you can ever imagine is to consider being one with each other for eternity because you are one with each other in time. In essence, as Dallin H Oaks said, "Concentrate on [getting to the Celestial Kingdom]. If you get there, all of it will be more wonderful than you can imagine."

I suggest that if I were presently at that stage of life where I was looking for an eternal marriage partner, it would be best for me to offer to God a broken heart and contrite spirit, asking Him what marriage He wants for me rather than insisting that I know what marriage I need and want! Like Abraham might have had all sorts of arguments against the instruction to offer his son as a sacrifice after Abraham had been offered as a sacrifice by his own father, and after Abraham had been promised that Isaac would be the father of innumerable posterity, and that God must therefore wake up and realise the folly of the command that He was giving! I need to not argue, debate, or look for reasons to not follow God's will - those will be so easy to find, especially with Google in 2022! It might even have been a relief to have lived in a culture where one's parents arranged one's marriage! I need to simply have a broken heart and  a contrite spirit and follow exactly what the Spirit guides me to do and then walk, as it were, into the water carrying the ark of the covenant and anticipating that the waters will part as they did for the priests in Joshua 3:14 - 17. Wonderful blessings flow as we step forward in faith with a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

I felt impressed add more thoughts that you might be interested in reading. See 

A 'Homeless debate' on social media - US or THEM - which am I?

Some thoughts regarding love and same gender attraction

Some thoughts regarding love and same gender attraction

I don’t often speak out on the subject of same gender attraction, but following yet another defence of homosexuality by a friend whose son is gay, and whose returned missionary friend had just declared that he is gay, I have felt the need to stop putting off doing so. I recognise that someone may take out of context some of the things I say, but that is their problem. I trust that in context these words are in full harmony with the Gospel.

This is me on my honeymoon in 1981, I think this was in Disneyland in Los Angeles 

where we went after going from Cape Town to Salt Lake City to be sealed in the Temple

I still love my wife who is my dearest friend. 

We are delighted to have a wonderful family of 5 children and 10 grandchildren (Feb 2022).

To start with, I feel that it is essential to stress that love is a divine characteristic, and that we are commanded to love.

We are commanded to ‘love the Lord thy God with all of our heart, and with all your soul’ (Deuteronomy 13:3), and ‘with all thy mind, and with all thy strength’ (Mark 12:30). That is pretty deep.

We are commanded to ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’ (Luke10:27). That, too is pretty deep.

We are commanded to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44).

Young women are to be taught ‘to love their husbands, to love their children’ (Titus 2:4).

So I am commanded to love my neighbour, and that includes male and female. I am commanded to love my children and I do indeed love them – I adore them. I am not quite that good about loving some of my neighbours. Some are really not that lovable.

So – there is little confusion about the fact that love for all is part of what God wants us to have. Love is a divine nature, God is love (1 John 1:8) and as we become like Him we need to learn to love.

I learned a lot as a parent, reading in chapter 4 of A Parent's Guide about interpersonal relationships.

• ‘Courteous relationships are the basis of civilized behavior’, and are appropriate between friends, neighbours, strangers, even towards enemies. Imagine what the world would be like if we all treated every other person with courtesy?
• ‘Affection is natural and is mostly associated with family relations’. This is more intense than courtesy, but it includes courtesy. Shaking hands would be courteous, holding hands would be affectionate.
• ‘Intimate relationships are deeper and longer lasting than others and are more intense. Within such relationships are very strong emotions.’ Intimacy includes affection and courtesy. Intimacy is appropriate within a marriage relationship, but certainly not appropriate between strangers.

This is where the philosophies of the world make this so very blurred. They equate love with intimacy, or they treat intimacy or sex as synonyms of love. But love, properly expressed, would never be selfish or lustful.

Someone said that the sex scene in the movie Titanic was alright because ‘they were so much in love’. But where is the ‘so much in love’ in the case of a couple having sex when high on drugs, or when emotions run away with two colleagues in an inappropriate situation together, or with the soldiers raping the women of the village that they invaded? The ‘so much in love’ was with sex as an object and not with love for the other person. It was ‘so much in love’ with lust and not love for the other son or daughter of God involved.

I love my children, but if I were to jump into bed with them, that would not be love, but lust. The same goes for incestuous relationships with parents, siblings, or any other family members. It is absolutely appropriate for men to love men and women to love women, but that does not make it appropriate to jump into bed with someone. Love in the divine way of loving would actually mean the direct opposite of such inappropriate sexual relationships. Love would defend the virtue of another, not rob others of ‘that which was most dear and precious above all things, which is chastity and virtue’ (Mormon 9:9).

As the world synonymises love and lust, so they say that an appropriate way of expressing love is to have sexual relationships. But love is a divine characteristic, and lust is a carnal, sensual and devilish (Mosiah16:3) characteristic, very appealing to the natural man or woman. And so Satan lulls anyone willing to give in to the natural man into carnal security. The tragedy is that as it is so appealing to the natural man, they become effectively shut out from the presence of God. (Moses 6:49)

God would have us love our enemies – he loves His enemies. But His enemies certainly do not love God. So, let me end off with this quote from Mosiah 3:19. ‘For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.’

It is important to note that some, maybe all, of those who have same gender attraction may be simply feeling the love that Heavenly Father intends for us to have. There are people who are very active in proselyting the Gay Rights movement who try to persuade the person that it is a sexual attraction. But, just as it is sinful to act on lustful desires to have sexual relations with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage, and because it is contrary to the eternal plan of eternal marriage in which man and woman are married for eternity, it is sinful to extend the love for anyone into sexual relations outside of marriage. The sin is not in feeling love – that is good. The sin is in committing sexual sin outside of marriage. It is important to note that homosexual behaviour can be forgiven through sincere repentance (Handbook 2: Administering the Church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 21.4.6). The key is to have an understanding of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, the process of repentance, and the purpose of our mortal life as our opportunity to learn to become like our Heavenly parents.

I hope and pray that you will carefully ponder these things and then ask God the Eternal Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, if these things are not true. I am absolutely confident that he will manifest the truth of it to you through the power of the Holy Ghost. Love is a divine nature, and would never allow lustful behaviour which would destroy that very divine love in hetero-sexual, homo-sexual, or any relationships. 

I felt impressed add more thoughts that you might be interested in reading. See 

'A promise of an eternal marriage for LGBTQ+ individuals - well, for anyone'.

A 'Homeless debate' on social media - US or THEM - which am I?